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Day 32 - The End of Severance

And just like that, my severance is over.

I've never had to file for unemployment before. I've never been unemployed before. The process doesn't seem too hard now that it's all online, but ask me on Monday after I've certified for my first week.

I was realistic with myself—I knew I probably wouldn’t have a new job by now, despite doing my best to put in at least one application per day. But I'll be honest - I did think I'd be farther along in my search right now than I actually am. I thought I would've had more than one interview. I thought I would've seen more jobs I'm qualified for at the job fairs I went to. I expected to see more actual recruiters on LinkedIn than bots.

It makes me long for a past that no longer exists. I think what I am dreaming of is a weird combination of growing up in an analog era in a small town with a big family and a better economy for the middle class. I don't even know how I got my first job, if I'm honest. One day I just was the secretary for my church on Saturday afternoons. I don't remember how much it paid. I wasn't particularly good at it. I talked to a lot of old people requesting masses for people.

I'm going to ignore a brief stint at the grocery store in-town and jump right to the job I held for breaks home from college. I worked at KB Toys (in case you were wondering how old I am). I think I walked in, filled out a paper application, and then talked to the manager on the spot. I think I was hired within 45 minutes of applying.

I want to be clear - I'm not looking for the return of nepotism. That is not doing our country any favors right now. But I miss the simplicity of someone saying, "you know who would be good at that?" And that being enough to get them hired.

What triggered this feeling was running my resume, skills, and accomplishments across a range of friends, past coworkers, and previous managers. Each time they look at my list, and go, "Well, I would hire you!" And it makes me wish that was enough. It makes me wish there weren't 100+ people applying for each position I'm applying to. It makes me wish AI wasn't reviewing applications and tossing me out before I even talk to a person. It makes me wish that the word of a current employee saying "she's dependable and hard-working and smart, and we should hire her" was enough. It makes me wish HR didn't have matrices they had to fill out to find the perfect person for the role.

But that world no longer exists.

So instead, I'll build up my skills. I'll go to networking events. I'll keep applying to new jobs every day. I'll keep writing this blog and the one for my husband's business. I'll go to the gym and walk the dogs. I'll try a new bread recipe, and maybe make pizza dough from scratch to go with my pasta sauce that I also made from scratch, with tomatoes I grew from seed. I'll clean the house (sometimes). I'll budget, but still try to say yes to hanging out with friends and family... just maybe on the cheap. I'll read, but probably watch more TV than I mean to. I'll go to the library instead of buying new books. I'll finally figure out how the heck to connect my granny squares and finish the cardigan I started in March.

I'll take this time for me, personally and professionally, even though I didn't ask for it.

And in another 32 days, maybe I'll be closer to having a job.

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