Adventures in Unemployment

I have said it before, and I'll say it again - I don't know what I'm doing. Now, in my defense, I don't think many people really do, but when I look back at my actions over the past 24-48 hours, there is no trend. I had an interview today, applied to a different job, and took a virtual webinar about applying to Civil Service jobs. I am trying to absorb information from an online course about the algorithm. I took a nap. I've walked the dogs three times (and I think they are exhausted from it). I went to a Zumba class and looked like an absolute fool because I don't usually take classes from this instructor. I looked at our budget and told my husband to pick up Moe's on the way home. All the actions of a very sane person. Individually, some of them are fine. Collectively, they make absolutely no sense. Today, I'm mostly feeling anxiety about the impending government shutdown. My husband and I have been pricing out health insurance on the marketplace, and ...

If I'm not employed, am I still allowed to have the Sunday Scaries? I'm dreading facing another week of being unemployed. That's what it really boils down to. I am going to need to spend more time on my resume this week when I apply for jobs. Except for the part-time job interview I have, I'm not hearing back about positions I've applied to. I've applied to 30 jobs, been rejected from 6, and still waiting on 24. I thought I had more to say today, but it isn't anything new, really. I'm feeling unsure and vulnerable. My former gifted-and-talented 90s kid self is feeling unsettled that I haven't been successful at finding a job immediately. But I'm also feeling hungry, so at least I can do something about that.

My husband is desperate for me to show you all the vegetables I accidentally grew because I just put seeds in the ground and hoped for the best. Here are pictures from just today!

Like the past couple of days, I've spent most of my day on the computer. I've got about 48,039 tabs open, a new one each time a new thought pops up, or I'm reminded of a task I need to complete. I'm out here opening tabs and muttering to myself like "COBRA costs how much ???" I spent the day researching health insurance plans so tonight my husband and I can discuss our budget. The budget - a fan favorite conversation topic among married couples. I can't even complain - if I'm honest, most of our adult lives, we've had to do very few adjustments to our spending and saving habits to be able to live like we want to, but trying to fit in health insurance on a single salary is going to challenge those skills a little bit. Our comfort, wiped away in a single last-minute meeting scheduled in the middle of August to let me know I was one of 58 people being impacted by lay-offs. But whatever. I'm trying not to have a pity party today. I just got off a Z...

I probably won't publish this post far and wide. I said on the day I started this blog that it was really for me to figure out how I was feeling about being laid off and the subsequent job search, to try and figure some things out, and that's what I'm doing with today's post. It isn't particularly pleasant. When I was a kid, I was pretty optimistic. I don't just mean when I was 5 and I assumed we would get recess every day, but the optimism continued all the way through high school. I guess I just thought everything would eventually work out. Even as a kid, life wasn't all sunshine and rainbows. I struggled with friends in both middle school and high school, like you expect from teenage girls. My mom's dad died when I was young, maybe first grade, and by the time I left high school, she had also lost her mom and 2 brothers. My parents owned their own business until they couldn't. September 11th happened when I was in middle school, and my dad being a...

If you don't spend as much time online as I do these days (and hopefully you don't), you may not have heard, but 'The Rapture' was supposed to be today. At this point in my life, I've survived Y2K, the end of the Mayan calendar, and maybe 1 or 2 other raptures, so I didn't really expect it to happen, but I was disappointed it didn't happen this time. I figured if at least some of the population was raptured, there would be some immediate job openings that would need to be filled. But here we are. I spent about an hour with my old ladies today. A lot of you liked them, so I think I'm going to have to tell them they're internet famous, which I suspect they'll think is hilarious. I was trying to tell them tonight that they can watch the late night shows on YouTube the next day, and they were like "eh, I don't know how to do that stuff." And I said to them "Oh my god, just call me, I'm free during the days now." They laugh...

Here I am, writing a blog post with nothing coherent to say. This morning, a friend stopped by to have coffee with me. She brought us lattes and cake pops from a local coffee/chocolate/ice cream shop. We talked for about an hour and a half, and when she left, I sent her with tomatoes from my garden. It was very 90s coded, and we both loved it. While I'm certainly hoping to find a job rather quickly, I hope this can happen again before I'm back to work. Speaking of that coffee (etc) shop, I applied to work there over the weekend, and I have an interview next week! Let's not get too excited - I'm applying to work there part-time so I can supplement my unemployment benefits while I keep looking for a big girl job, but I love the place, and it is less than 10 minutes from my house. I haven't applied for any jobs yet today, but I am working on my Fiverr profile. I needed to prove to them that I'm an actual person who needs to pay taxes, and then I'll be able to a...

And just like that, my severance is over. I've never had to file for unemployment before. I've never been unemployed before. The process doesn't seem too hard now that it's all online, but ask me on Monday after I've certified for my first week. I was realistic with myself—I knew I probably wouldn’t have a new job by now, despite doing my best to put in at least one application per day. But I'll be honest - I did think I'd be farther along in my search right now than I actually am. I thought I would've had more than one interview. I thought I would've seen more jobs I'm qualified for at the job fairs I went to. I expected to see more actual recruiters on LinkedIn than bots. It makes me long for a past that no longer exists. I think what I am dreaming of is a weird combination of growing up in an analog era in a small town with a big family and a better economy for the middle class. I don't even know how I got my first job, if I'm honest. ...

There is absolutely no way you care about my workout schedule, but you opted to read this, so now you get to learn about it. I started a strength training class at the YMCA every Tuesday night through the end of October. This week wasn't so bad, but I was suspicious because after Week 1, I couldn't walk downstairs without pain for about 3 days. The instructor seemed thrilled about this and told us that we signed up for this. I guess it's the same concept as you reading this. Anyway, I found a yoga class and instructor I really like on Thursday mornings and I was looking forward to going. I was just lounging on the couch, a dog on my lap, when my phone was like "ok, time to go if you're gunna go." I somehow forgot that the class is at 10am, not 11am, and I was not prepared to ditch the dog, change, and make it on time. Luckily, my favorite Zumba instructor has a class tonight, so I'll go to that instead. Now that we've gone through that dribble, we can ...

First, let me say that I am very close to crashing out on LinkedIn. My former company is hiring for a full-time analyst position that while I'm likely not qualified for, I suspect I could have been trained in it, or one of the other nearly 60 people they laid off was almost certainly qualified for. I'm very close to posting something along the lines of "what, you couldn't figure this out before you upended the lives of 60 people? One of your values is accountability, and you list it in the job posting. Do you feel like you're living up to accountability right now?" But I'm not sure everyone needs to see me have an absolute meltdown right now, so I'll take a deep breath and try to move on. If I never get hired ever again, you'll know it was from this moment and that I decided to let the intrusive thoughts win. The reason I titled this post today "workshop" is because I'm going to be workshopping something through this post. I am lucky ...

I try to take my dogs for daily walks. I used to be in a time crunch at lunchtime, so I got into a routine of doing the same route every time. Having not grown up with dogs, I was worried that this might get boring to them, but as it turns out, they're just excited to be outside and with their people. I also didn't grow up in a neighborhood, so the experience is still new to me in a lot of ways. I found that by walking the same route every day, I ran into the same people. My favorite of the people are the Golden Girls. Usually I call them "the old ladies," and I told my husband that they do not know I call them this. I suspect they'd be fine with it, though, since they know they're roughly 80, give or take a couple of years. It wasn't hard to get to know them. They're super personable. I suspect Pat would make a great mayor if she wanted to do it. She has everybody's vote over on her little block, and I'd canvas for her, but that's not the ...

What am I even doing? It is Sunday night at 8:30pm, and I just finished scrolling LinkedIn. Stephanie, it is Sunday night. LinkedIn will still be there tomorrow during business hours. So now that I've put the phone down, I've picked up my laptop to write my blog. Put the small screen down to pick up the medium screen, while I watch Real Housewives of Salt Lake City on my big screen. I am still on S1 E1, but man, is this show wild. How many assistants does Jen have, and does she really need them all? I don't have much to say tonight, but don't tell my family. They'll never believe it. Right now, the only thing I have to say is that I need to keep an eye on myself this week. I can feel my motivation trying to slip away. Why do dishes? They'll still be there tomorrow. Does it even matter if I keep taking courses and updating my LinkedIn? I know the job market is challenging. Do I really need to go to the gym? Can't we just order out again? Do I really need to f...

Do people even still have diaries? Or do we all have blogs now? Just kidding, we're all just crashing out on social media. I wouldn't say I've had a particularly productive day, but it's a Saturday, so that's ok. I went to Zumba and mostly kept up today. There was one song that did me in, though, so I sat out the first half of the next one. Why did I tell you that? You don't care. I did do a couple of things today that I think help move me in the direction of "find a job." I updated the website for my husband's business ( www.wnypmcs.com , in case you're interested), wrote their weekly blog post, and then updated my LinkedIn about all of that. Now I'm writing this blog post. Note to self, look for freelance jobs. Oh! I also applied to 2 jobs. Look at me go! I'll probably relax tonight. I started reading Nate Bargatze's book last night, and so far it is pretty funny. I suppose that's positive since he's a comedian. He also pr...

I really like yoga. Let's not get it confused - I am not good at yoga, but I like it. There are a couple of YouTube channels that I'll do at home in the winter to get in a good stretch when I have no desire to step outside. I've taken classes at every gym I've ever been a member of. I attended a class once at a winery. One of the things that I like most about yoga is that I am too busy trying to figure out where my hands and feet are supposed to go in each pose for me to think about anything else. There are the obvious benefits of a yoga class that come with moving your body in a positive way, and my body is usually sore in a good way at the end of the class, but the mental benefits of it can't be overlooked. I understand that a lot of people like the meditative parts of the class and focusing on breathing. But I am forcing my body into poses that don't come natural to me, so my brain can't run on autopilot. I have forced a manual override of my brain by doi...

Does anyone else know what is going on? I'm sure the answer is no. For context, I'm writing this after the Charlie Kirk... shooting? Murder? Assassination? Execution? Everything is so weird that I don't even know what to call it. I accidentally saw the video on Instagram because for some reason people felt the need to share it there, and I don't know what to do about that information. I can't unsee that. Anything else I have to say about what's going on in the world these days seems insignificant. It feels like that most days, where every push notification with a "breaking news" alert feels like it might be the one that makes you crash out. But the "what else" that is going on in the world is me being unemployed. My job search. My absolute lack of confidence at this time in my life. Trying to figure out what I want to do next, and any amount of progress I've made towards finding a job. The applications I've submitted. The job fairs I...

This whole thing is an exercise in being vulnerable. Here is my entire educational and professional background - please judge me if I'm worthy enough to make money at your company. Please read over my resume - tell me if the way I've laid out everything about myself is of value to someone. Do you think I'm qualified for...? I can't wait for you to tell me what my shortcomings are. And geez, do I really hate it. I was trying to apply to jobs that I meet, eh, 80% of the qualifications for that are in my desired salary range. I read that's what men do. They apply for jobs that they're mostly qualified for. Women wait until they have all the requirements and then some. But I'm not hearing back, or I'm being rejected. I may have to change my approach because I really don't want to have to take a pay cut. I think that's it today. Short and sweet. I have a lot more on my mind. I have a lot of feelings I'm still feeling. But I'll spare you the w...

To my future employer, Why do I want this job? I don't. And let's be honest. You probably don't want yours, either. Sure, there are a bunch of "alpha" males out there who think they want to work all the time, but what are we doing? We created credit scores and smog, but we could have been reveling in the nature around us instead of working against it. WAIT WAIT. LET ME TRY AGAIN. To a prospective employer, I joke about being a personality hire, but the reality is that I can be 2 things at once. Not only will I liven up the place by encouraging my coworkers to celebrate holidays like National Creamsicle Day (August 14, by the way) and using too many gifs in the team chat, but I will also work really hard. I know a lot of people tell you that but take a look at that resume. I have experience in K-12 education, higher education, hospitality, property insurance, auto insurance, health insurance, and project management. I'm probably forgetting something, but my poi...

Ah, my first rejection. I had been keeping it kind of under wraps because I knew the chances of me getting this job were pretty slim, given my experience and the job market, but I had an interview last week. I was hoping I would move forward in the process - the interviewer said she was passing my name on - but they went with someone else. I don't blame them, but the rejection still stings. It also stings because of the jobs numbers out today. If you want to know if it is a good time to be unemployed, I highly suggest you delete all the news apps off your phone, and don't look at it for a while. The US job market only gained 22,000 employees in August, and everywhere you look the headlines read "US economy now stagnant." I'm paraphrasing, but I am fairly sure I saw that phrase plastered across my phone this morning. Anecdotally, a previous company I had worked for also laid off employees recently, and they were all great people. I feel for them, too. But it also i...

You may find this hard to believe, but I have job searched before. Really! I can say with confidence that I have done it at least once before. But this. This is different. I wasn't prepared for how this search would feel. For most of my other job searches, I had jobs already and was looking to make a switch. I felt intentional about where I applied and held out for jobs in my desired pay scale. When I took a job, it was (mostly) because I wanted it. This job search feels intense. More stressful. I was the breadwinner for the house and held the health insurance. I need to be that again since my husband started his own small business this past March. But because I was the breadwinner, I also can't hold out too long before we start dipping into savings. I hear that like a drumbeat in my head at all times. Find a job. Be employed. Get health insurance. Find a job. When I was doing this on my timeline, I could put in a job application once every couple of days. Now, if I go a single...

I couldn't even come up with a title today. Am I losing my ability to be witty and sarcastic?!? Ok, let's hope that doesn't happen. I've been applying to jobs, and I've been sticking in the realm of project management. Not exclusively, but that's where most of my searches have landed me. I'm also about to wrap up a course on IAM on Coursera, so I've really been trying to make moves. Something that I realized is that project management (and similar) seem to exist at every organization, so I have a lot of options for where to apply, and I can hopefully find myself in a field that I'm excited about. I can do project management at a company for green energy or supporting educational changes or whatever. I also don't want to be pie-in-the-sky about it. I submitted an application to Microsoft, so hold onto your Copilot, I might be helping to manage that next. Wildly changing topics, I'm feeling better than I was yesterday. I made it to my local lib...

I'm pretty cranky this weekend, if I'm honest, and each event seems to be battling for which is bringing my mood down most. On Sunday, I was throwing myself a pity party. It was the last day of our health insurance, and I was feeling weird about Labor Day weekend with no Labor to be resting from. I couldn't stop thinking about how cruel it felt to be let go from work so close to my surgery. I haven't talked a lot about that here, but I had surgery on 7/17, and while I'm doing fine, this surgery has a long recovery period. I'm only about halfway through recovery to feeling "normal" again. I returned to work on 8/11, and was laid off on 8/19. I don't think it was shady because I was one of 60ish people let go, but it still stings. I have no routine in my life right now! I spent 3 weeks mostly resting, because that was what I needed to do. I was looking forward to getting back to work on 8/11 because I don't have a ton of energy these days to spen...