Skip to main content

Day 29 - thrown off

It is possible this question won’t resonate with anyone, but does anyone else struggle when you get thrown off course? Maybe it’s just me, but if I get thrown off course, it takes a while to make it back.

I have no sense of routine on the weekends right now. I couldn’t tell you how I’ve been spending my evenings. I haven’t cooked or made a dinner in… weeks? I’m supposed to be telling you about my running, but at least than one is easy: there has been no progress. I actually don’t remember the last time I ate a fruit or vegetable, and I do think my body is rebelling over it.

I don’t really know what caused this. I know I had that pulled muscle in my neck a few weeks ago, and it’s possible that did it. My husband and I had tried to pick up Weight Watchers (again) to try and keep ourselves moving in a direction of incorporating new foods, but we managed to do it for 2 weeks until I didn’t plan a week for us after I took that wine weekend away about a month ago. The heat is back, and I keep thinking about what food should look like this week in order to nourish myself without sweating to death. And, as previously discussed, I hate summer foods.

I’m not sure where the disconnect is. I’m not sure how to force my brain to move in the right direction. Hell, I don’t know how to move it in ANY direction right now. I think about needing to clean out the fridge (because of course I paid the disorganized tax because I didn’t use all my produce from last week and we didn’t eat leftovers), and meal plan, but first take inventory of what we have, then go grocery shopping, then come home and cook it. Oh, I need to do dishes probably before AND after cooking because I have only done them twice this week. And put it away before I walk the dogs on the edge of twilight so it is even marginally cooler than during daylight hours.

And it all feels like too much.

So instead, I’m doomscrolling and disassociating and completely ignoring all of my other responsibilities because it is easier to ignore the kitchen than to think about food.

So yeah, anyway. Am I the only one? Did I get too real here? And how can I jumpstart it?

At least a teen told me today that she liked my necklace, so I guess it isn’t all bad.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Day 66 - Revelation

I’m not sure what triggered the conversations. I talked to 3 women last week who had all been diagnosed with ADHD late in life. One of them was my sister, and that’s important, because guess what ADHD has? A strong hereditary link. The other two were girlfriends - very different careers. Children at very different stages of their life. Different ages for their diagnosis. And while the wording was different, the message was the same - probably time for you to get evaluated. Actually, I think when I told my sister “I think I have ADHD,” her reply was something close to “no fucking shit.” You know, lovingly. There’s an episode of How I Met Your Mother where the sound of glass shattering plays whenever someone notices an annoying habit of one of the other characters. I tend to hear it in my head when I feel a lightbulb moment, and this past week has been nothing but glass shattering in my head. Why did I stay up until 1am in high school to type out my chemistry labs when no one else was do...
Post a Comment
Read more

Day 120 - Dessert

I'm feeling a little off today. Not just because I'm still dealing with the congestion from whatever this sickness was from over the weekend, but because I'm still unemployed. I think I just don't know what to do next. I had an interview yesterday for a departmental supervisor at a local store, but it didn't go great. I was very out of practice for the interview, which was a surprise to me, and the interview was weird. It was clear that the interviewer had a script that needed to be read and answered in order. None of my jokes landed, and they were funny. I'm funny! Or at least witty. And when I asked some follow-up questions about one of their questions, they didn't have an answer for me. It made me question if I even want this job, and that's the first time that's happened so far this job search. I've also only had 4 interviews (out of 80+ applications), so I guess I haven't had a lot of say in what position is right for me. Today, I was, a...
Post a Comment
Read more

Day 1 - here I go again

In first or second grade, I found a book in the school library of rhymes and old wives' tales about weather predictions. It was things like "Red sky at night, sailor's delight.” I was hooked. From that point on, I wanted to study the weather. In second grade, I begged my teacher to let me do the weather report for the classroom at least once a week. I was obsessed with a book about how to conserve water. I studied maps, and went to Lake Ontario with Dad to look for waterspouts (I'm embarrassed to say that despite the fact I've spent most of my life on the Great Lakes, I still haven't seen one.) In 4th grade, the dad of one of my classmates worked in the control tower of our airport. This was pre-2001, so he arranged a tour for the class. We got to see some pretty cool things and overheard pilots talking. This drew me in, and by the time I watched a special about the Hartsfield-Jackson airport in Atlanta with my dad, I was so sure I would work at an airport. In ...
Post a Comment
Read more