Day 11 - thankful

It feels weird to say this while I’m unemployed, but I’m thankful for the life I’m building, and what I have already built.

While I was working that executive assistant job, my nervous system was on edge. Talking about my “nervous system” always feels like pop psychology, but now that I’m on this side of it, I feel the difference. I was always stressed. Simultaneously working too much and never enough. Learning something new every single day, and still doing things wrong. Mastering one thing while getting scolded for putting the wrong link in an email. Finishing work for the day and being exhausted, no energy or motivation to do anything in the evenings. Sunday scaries starting on Saturday.

But here I sit, at the end of 2 unemployed work weeks, happy for the time I’ve been given. Was I scared to jump ship with no plan to make money and to only spend tuition money? For sure. Was I embarrassed that the other option was that they were going to fire me? Of course. Did both options suck? Uh, yes.

But over the past 2 weeks, I’ve made bread, 2 batches of cupcakes with a new frosting recipe, and 2 batches of chocolate chip cookies. I learned a lot from baking things back to back, and I’m thankful I had the time to reflect on it. I have a recipe I want to submit to the county fair for judging.

Last night I sat out with my old ladies until 8:30 or so, and shared my cookies with them. They told me about how they used to wear their hair in curlers and about their wedding dresses. Apparently they knew our State Senator when he was just a little boy since he’s from our city. I know one of them would rather cook and bake than clean, and another would rather clean every toilet on the block if she never had to cook again. On my walk home, 2 other neighbors stopped me to ask how the dogs were since they hadn’t seen them in a couple of days.

I didn’t grow up in a neighborhood, so cutting through yards and sitting on the front patio with neighbors sometimes still feels new. Even after 8 years.

I’m sitting on my front porch right now while Juniper waits patiently for the squirrels to run by. I’m eating vanilla soft serve with rainbow sprinkles from the local ice cream place. We had dinner with friends, something that is quickly becoming a regular event at a regular restaurant with them, and I know what I want to buy from the farmers’ market tomorrow. Mine is the best in the country, after all.

I got a message from a friend today who needed help with work. I was later than I meant to be, but I got there. I helped. I have plans to help again next week. I met someone while helping who might have a job for me. This same friend came over last Monday, as I was newly unemployed, and got drunk with me while I pondered every life choice that led me here. We’re going shopping together this week.

I walked into a bakery this week and found an old friend behind the counter. We caught up quickly, and the owner said they also might have a job for me. I need to get back to him and the girl from today next week after I register for classes so they have my availability.

My sister and I are going to be attending the same college for a year! If she is ok with it, I might try to take the same elective as her in the Spring. But no hard feelings if she doesn’t want to - this is her first college experience, and she might want to do her own thing! But we are going to an art museum that I’ve never been to next weekend for one of her finals for a class this Summer, and that is exciting!

I have no grand illusions that this phase of my life is going to be easy. Starting my second act and twenty-eighth career change is no small feat. My husband will need to constantly be looking for work so he doesn’t have down time with his construction business, and maybe focusing on his 3D printing business for extra income. I suspect I’ll be in classes and trying to grab internships and attend office hours and do homework and work 1 or 7 part-time food service jobs while also working some kind of side hustle so we can pay our bills and my tuition. We may be leaning on family and friends to share our names and business websites and social posts more than usual so we can keep up the hustle.

And I’m bummed that my physical burnout from that job, plus dealing with a sprained ankle, has put my 5k/8k/half training on hold, but I want to come back to it. In the meantime, I’ll swim to get the zoomies out.

I rambled and blabbered on longer than I meant to tonight, but I guess what I’m saying is this: I feel thankful because, for the first time in a while, this feels like the right direction.