Adventures in Unemployment

It feels weird to say this while I’m unemployed, but I’m thankful for the life I’m building, and what I have already built. While I was working that executive assistant job, my nervous system was on edge. Talking about my “nervous system” always feels like pop psychology, but now that I’m on this side of it, I feel the difference. I was always stressed. Simultaneously working too much and never enough. Learning something new every single day, and still doing things wrong. Mastering one thing while getting scolded for putting the wrong link in an email. Finishing work for the day and being exhausted, no energy or motivation to do anything in the evenings. Sunday scaries starting on Saturday. But here I sit, at the end of 2 unemployed work weeks, happy for the time I’ve been given. Was I scared to jump ship with no plan to make money and to only spend tuition money? For sure. Was I embarrassed that the other option was that they were going to fire me? Of course. Did both options suck? Uh...

I assume most of you don’t know this, but my husband and I get our health insurance through the New York State of Health Marketplace. There is a special place in hell for whoever created this monstrosity. Anyway, our insurance premiums last year were about $1200/month. Now that the subsidies expired, it is $1550/month. And this is while we have an $8000 deductible. It is expected to increase next year. At this point, we will likely be dropping my health insurance as we simply can’t afford it. Plain and simple. Even when I was working, health insurance was bleeding us dry, not helping. But before I drop health insurance, a quick saga about trying to get health insurance figured out as a returning, adult student. 1. See if I have any options through SUNY Niagara. I have a single option. 2. Attempt to update my application on my own for student status, but there is nothing in the application. 3. Contact a Navigator to help me with the Marketplace. 4. He calls me on the phone, tells me I m...

In first or second grade, I found a book in the school library of rhymes and old wives' tales about weather predictions. It was things like "Red sky at night, sailor's delight.” I was hooked. From that point on, I wanted to study the weather. In second grade, I begged my teacher to let me do the weather report for the classroom at least once a week. I was obsessed with a book about how to conserve water. I studied maps, and went to Lake Ontario with Dad to look for waterspouts (I'm embarrassed to say that despite the fact I've spent most of my life on the Great Lakes, I still haven't seen one.) In 4th grade, the dad of one of my classmates worked in the control tower of our airport. This was pre-2001, so he arranged a tour for the class. We got to see some pretty cool things and overheard pilots talking. This drew me in, and by the time I watched a special about the Hartsfield-Jackson airport in Atlanta with my dad, I was so sure I would work at an airport. In ...

No, I haven't been running recently. Have you seen it outside? I mean, forget my gym membership. No, seriously, forget about it like I forgot about it until this exact moment. I went on a rant this morning with my therapist about my climate anxiety. In no uncertain terms, I am stressed about our situation as a population. As a global population. I don't think we have fully come to grips with what is coming. What happens when New Orleans is underwater and we have to move all of those people somewhere? No, I am not being alarmist. Parts of New Orleans have elevations below sea level. Where do they go? Who pays for it? What if they don't want to go - do they still get government services if they declined government help to move? If there is government help? And that is just one city. Now do Miami - elevation 6ft above sea level. Now do Long Island - where the highest point on the whole island is 401 ft above sea level Now do the American West wildfires. And the Canadian wildfi...

I won’t be sharing this one to my socials, so if you found it, thanks for being dedicated. I am tired. I am tired in a way that doesn’t seem familiar. I am tired in a way that sleep can’t fix. Or, maybe it can and I’m not getting enough of it because my brain turns on as soon as the first ray of sun hits the house. I am tired from having surgery, and then being laid off, and then job searching for 5 months, and then getting a job I really wanted at a significant pay cut only for that job to put on full display an ADHD diagnosis that came out of left field. So far out of left field that 3 months later I’m still figuring out what are symptoms of it and not just pieces of my personality for the past 38 years. I am tired of fighting for democracy only to have my health insurance subsidies taken away so I can spend $1500 a month for 2 people to have health insurance with an $8000 deductible, all because we made the grave error of owning a small business and getting laid off. I am indecisive...

I can't tell if I need to be more flexible with myself, or less. Do I need to provide myself more structure, a stricter schedule? Or do I need to let myself go with the flow? I'm thinking about this today because I keep thinking about all of the things I'd really like to do. For example, this running section of this blog that has had no talk of exercise in 4 weeks because I got an injury and haven't gotten back into. Or the book goal I set for myself for the year but promptly put aside when I was losing my mind trying to settle into this new job. Or the book I've been toying wth for about a year now. Or the fact that I realized that literally anyone can submit an entry into county fairs for pies, cookies, cakes, and brownies. And I'm throwing a brunch... next weekend. I also would love to bring in more money, considering this job was a significant pay cut to what I was making at Independent Health. I think I could do some kind of copy writing or newsletter writi...

I wish I was as invested in my own stuff as much as I am invested in other people’s stuff. You’re looking for a job? Cool, here are the 83 links I found useful during my most recent job search, and 12 connections that might be able to help. You’re thinking about buying a house? Great news, I know about these two banks that each have 9 different programs and grants to help you buy the house you want. Plus, I set up a search for houses in your area. Want to take a trip? Here are your options by train, plane, and car. I also found the best restaurants for when you get there, and this would be the hotel I’d stay in. Note - this is barely an exaggeration. But my dishes didn’t get done today? There is laundry in the dryer? I skipped the gym? Again? Oh well. It’s like I need the external pressure, to know someone is relying on it. Ok, that’s not even quite right. The people in the examples above didn’t even ask for help, I just jumped in, uninvited. Maybe my brain wants the dopamine from some...