Adventures in Unemployment

Listen. I'm not out here trying to make my neuro-spiciness my whole personality, but I am going to ask for some leeway in talking about it while I realize that even my hair tie obsession can be traced back to something I thought I couldn't possibly have. Tonight, on our way home from dinner, I decided I wanted to write a blog post again today. I haven't been consistent in writing since the days of my job search, but I could do a second day in a row. So, what was I going to write about? Crickets. I had nothing. I felt like how I imagine one of our dogs to be - absolutely nothing between the ears. Not a single thought behind those eyes. Her three brain cells only kicking into gear to find the most blankets possible at any given time. I hadn't done anything of note at work today, and the past 24 hours hadn't been particularly exciting. Sure, a few funny texts from my sister about her day with some family, but that's not going to get me to a whole post. And that...

I’m not sure what triggered the conversations. I talked to 3 women last week who had all been diagnosed with ADHD late in life. One of them was my sister, and that’s important, because guess what ADHD has? A strong hereditary link. The other two were girlfriends - very different careers. Children at very different stages of their life. Different ages for their diagnosis. And while the wording was different, the message was the same - probably time for you to get evaluated. Actually, I think when I told my sister “I think I have ADHD,” her reply was something close to “no fucking shit.” You know, lovingly. There’s an episode of How I Met Your Mother where the sound of glass shattering plays whenever someone notices an annoying habit of one of the other characters. I tend to hear it in my head when I feel a lightbulb moment, and this past week has been nothing but glass shattering in my head. Why did I stay up until 1am in high school to type out my chemistry labs when no one else was do...

I prefer to write my blogs on my medium-sized screen, because as all millennials know, important things need to be done at the laptop. Big screen is the TV, for video games and watching The Great British Bake Off for the 83rd time. Medium screen is the laptop, where all the important things happen. And the small screen, the phone, is for declining calls, searching for answers to inane questions while scrolling in the same vicinity as your friends, and the evergreen doom scrolling. Buy a flight on a phone? Are you out of your mind? But you can change flights on a phone. You gotta go with the vibes. But alas, I have a dog on my lap, and she has finally stopped peeing in the house, so I will be continuing to give her the attention she requires and not standing up to find food or my laptop. (Editor’s note to add: she is calling me a liar here by standing up as soon as I finished writing that sentence.) Was there a reason I started writing today? Possibly because I didn’t want to go past t...

What am I even trying to say today? A ramble, that's what I'm trying to say. A rush of words after a very long day. Thoughts and words that are not organized at all. A 12-hour day is too long. Why was my nephew naked this morning when I got to their house? Taylor Swift and Bad Bunny make for a good playlist for me. Geeks shouldn't give presentations. My shoes were the wrong choice for today. Is Seth Meyers wearing a new shirt? But what I'm actually thinking about is how I've been taking some risks lately in trusting people. That makes it sound dramatic, but what I actually mean is that I'm trying to get to know some people around me better, and that requires being vulnerable. It meant taking a chance on texting someone who was in the most boring meeting of all time with me with some snark, and hoping I judged them correctly (I did). I reached out to a new work friend, and the work group chat, about my stress levels, and was met with empathy and assistance. I tex...

I don’t know why, but something I keep coming back to lately is how adulthood is full of contradictions. It’s laughing about your nephew mismanaging his time in the morning (more like his drama over it), while simultaneously being late for every single thing you had to do that day. It’s convincing a friend to stand up for herself in a work situation while forgetting that you don’t need to know everything in your new job after less than 2 months on the job. It’s watching what you’re eating and adding more fruits and vegetables to your diet while also doing whatever you can to make office coffee drinkable. Sugar and caffeine are willing soldiers in the fight against Daylight Saving Time. It’s like RAIIIIIIIIIIIN on your wedding day. Ok, sorry, I heard that song today. Now it is in your head. You’re welcome. Anyway, I don’t really have a wrap-up here. I guess adulthood is also staying up late to finish a blog post while knowing you have an 11 hour day tomorrow. Oops.

Well, I’m sorry to report for all of you that I have 83 pairs of earbuds, and I didn’t bring a single one with me to the gym, so now you have to read my ramblings. Actually, I suppose you don’t have to read them, but you’re here now. It’s the first time I’ve been to the gym in about a month. Maybe longer. I took some time this week to reflect on my routine, and that reflection time was probably the only good use of time I had all week. Outside of work hours, that is. As for work, I had a small mental breakdown on Tuesday, asked for help on Wednesday, and then crushed my to-do lists on Thursday and Friday. Turns out, normal people don’t expect to be perfect, or even fully proficient, at a new job after only 6 weeks. Weird. Anyway, I’ve got some ideas about how to manage my time a little better moving into this week. My plan is to use my Sundays to maximize my time during the week. This is in no way revolutionary, but it is an adjustment. After working mostly from home since March 2020, ...

If I’m honest, I think one of the big reasons I stopped writing this as frequently as I had been when I was hired for my new job is because I’m fairly certain my new employers found this blog during the hiring process and it suddenly became real. Like, oh. Shit. The people I work with, work for,  maybe shouldn’t know my deepest, darkest thoughts. To be fair, I probably shouldn’t share them in general and take the worst of those to my therapist, but uh. Here we are. Anyway, in case they are reading this: I still love the job. I still hate my new phone. I still hope you think I’m doing a good job. I still panic that you’re going to fire me because of the corporate version of PTSD that I carry with me ever since I worked at Clemson, and have carried on through Independent Health, where I was actually fired, so this may never go away. And a new realization I had this week - I have no idea what the girl before me did for you because why is the Google Drive and Canva a mess? And why woul...